Dear Samuel,
This "birthday" letter is long overdue...but my heart has written, and re-written it a thousand times over the past month. I don't think I will write anymore "public" letters to you, now that you are older. The letters of the future will be private, between me and you.
But for this birthday, I just felt the need to shout from the rooftops one more time how awesome and amazing you are.
I think life as an eight year old is a little bit harder than we adults tend to recognize. I think you're caught in between being "little" and being "big". There is that expectation to behave a certain way and to kind of "suck up" the hard stuff and move on. You don't get to cry and wear your emotions as readily as your baby sister does. Afterall, that's a part of growing up, right?
Of course, I think all of my children are special, and I love you all equally, as only a mother (or father) can. There is, however, something amazing about you. You have this little bit of "oldness" that seems so far beyond your eight years. At times, I admit, it is annoying (wink, wink) but it is so much a part of what makes you YOU that I can't do anything other than learn to embrace it. We're a bit past the letter that talks about all of your milestones, your achievements and how cute you've become. At eight, we're more to the point of recognizing your character, and the young man you're growing into.
This past year has been challenging with you. As you've been stuck between little and big, you have struggled to battle for mine and daddy's attention. You've seemed sullen and down at times, and just as quickly sparked back into the silly jokester we know and love. You seem to be challenged by our love for Jacob, but at the same time, are so overwhelmed by your own love for him (and Hannah) that you are easily wrecked when he says or does something that tramples your fragile little heart. More frequently than I would like to admit, you've turned into the stereo-typical big brother, being mean, picking on, and tearing Jacob down. But it is the moments of true love and redemption that keep that little guy hanging on your every word and action. It doesn't take much to win him over, because afterall, you're still his big brother - his hero.
Second grade was easy for you last year. You made straight A's the entire year. And not just A's - near perfect scores. Daddy and I were, and are very proud of your academic progress. You're a very smart young fellow, and it's easy to see that you have a bright future ahead of you.
Just before your 7th birthday, you were baptized. Over this past year, we have watched you mature into a boy who really seeks after the Lord. It's really been inspiring to watch. Your praying heart is beautiful, and I have been so amazed to listen to you pray faithfully, for a little boy you have never met that was diagnosed with cancer. He recently lost that battle, and you have now turned your prayers to his family. Every night you pray for these people and their loss. What eight year old does that? For that matter, I would venture to guess there are very few adults that pray as faithfully and steadfastly as you do.
You have a kind and giving heart. Although not as generous with your siblings, you are very generous to others. This year, you asked if you could have your friends bring presents to "kids who don't get to have presents" instead of bringing birthday presents to you. After your birthday party last weekend, our front hall is filled with gifts that we will be donating to church to use for Christmas, or other times of need. What a blessing that is! How amazing it is to think of the kids you will be reaching with this show of unselfish giving. I think it is obvious that the Lord is going to use you in great and wonderful ways. He already is.
You've found the stage to be one of your interests. We're currently rehearsing for your very first musical. The Legend of Pocahontas should be a great show, and you are in the role of a soldier, with speaking lines and some comic relief. I have been so proud to hear the comments and praise from your directors. They have said wonderful things about you, your behavior and your talent. Our talents are a gift from God and it's up to you to use those talents. I pray you continue to nurture yours and explore what other gifts He has given you. We're so proud of your acting abilities!
Samuel, you truely are a blessing to this family. You are a helper, an entertainer, a loving boy, a friend. You make me laugh, cry, pull my hair out, but most of all, you make me smile. Thank you for being "your mother's son". Thank you for knowing it, and embracing all of the challenges that brings with it. When I look at you, I can hardly believe this big stinky boy is the chunky baby I once held. I can remember, just like it was yesterday, sleeping sitting up with one hand on your chest, for fear you would stop breathing in the night. And there are times when I still quietly slip into your bedroom, gently stroke your soft hair, and kiss you again while you sleep.
I am excited for the years that are ahead of us. I cherish the memories that are behind us. While I wish that I could hold onto each moment just a little bit longer, I know this time is precious and fleeting. I know that God made you to grow, to blossom, to flourish. You are my gift for just a moment in time. So this is my shout - this is my way of taking the world in my hands and using my "voice" to let anyone who will listen hear, know and understand that you are one amazing kid. That you, Samuel, are special. That you have already blessed me beyond measure and it's only been eight short years. I don't know what's to come, but I do know that you will always be amazing. And I will always want to shout that from the rooftops.
Oh, how I love you. Thank you. My heart is full.
Love,
Mommy
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